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| I finally made it to college. Years and years it's been in coming..well, kinda. I wasn't really sure that I was going to college until the summer of '08 when it seemed like God okay'd it.
It's crazy though. I've already screwed up my first semester enough to have issues with it. Now, don't get me wrong. I haven't failed out of classes nor burned down any buildings. Just a couple of things that have made some stuff kinda uncomfortable for me.
Something else that's an issue is that emotionally I just can't keep up. I think I'm to about... somewhere in September as far as what I've packed away enough. Kinda. Kinda because there's probably still things missing and packed up into little boxes in the back of my mind that are yet to be sorted and accounted for. Stuff like friendships and how things used to be and uh...me.
Yes. Me. I've lost me somewhere in this all. Not sure if it's just in college or in life in general.
I went to the Harvest Fest earlier this month. Now, that night wasn't perfect but there was something pretty neat that happened: I was me. I got to see people who brought me back out. It was nice. But I really don't have anyone in college that does that. It's like I'm stuck in some other me. Someone I don't really like being so much.
The other me was involved in VOICE. The other me went to Trinity...sometimes. That was a place I could see the people that brought me out.
Not like I was perfect. But there's gotta be a better me than I've been recently.I know there is. So I think I need to make a list. A list of who I want to be, that way I can actually work towards it. There are certain elements I can't really control, though. Like the people that truly bring me out. I can't create them out of thin air.
But what do I love? What makes me feel alive? What's been neglected?
VOICE. I could be "Lori" there. Not like I was perfect in that group, but I got to be youth staff. Earlier this year I got to make a presentation. I don't know, I just enjoy it. I like being someone people can look up to. I like being informative, and fun, and crazy and "awesome" or something.
I want to be professional, I want to be clean cut. I want to be intelligent, and well informed and refined. I don't want o be a pompous idiot.
I want to go back in time. I want to live a few days in how life used to be, its good times.
I need to care about something, be involved in something... and work a little harder in school. Like I said, it's not like I'm failing out of classes. I just have this tendency to put things off rather than put all the effort I should into things.
As far as stuff that makes things uncomfortable, one of those things happened in my Honors Seminar. Now I really don't care for that class much. I have some weird feeling towards Dr. Baker. I just want to be friggan done with it. Not to mention I got a 15/20 on something. Ewh. But whatever.
I was excited to be in Honors, but I feel like I'm screwing that up. It's kinda uncomfortable when you feel like there's some bad blood between you and the director. He might not feel like it, but I do. "Bad blood" may be a strong or incorrect term for it, actually. just some weird emotion. Maybe I feel kinda ashamed. I dunno. Probably. Feeling ashamed or embarrassed and feeling that you're not liked by the director very much is kinda hard. Even if it's more in my mind, which it may or may not be, it's still not the most enjoyable thing ever.
I don't know what to do with myself. I'm really not loving college all the time. It has its good points, but it's also has it's not so great points.
I think the emotional part of it is affecting me a lot. I'm stuck in like, September for goodness sakes. Maybe there is/are something(s) I don't really want to deal with.
Well, that's it for this entry. Over and out.
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| I'm attempting to quote a band director from a local highschool. I've never been a student there, never been in band, and never actually heard the man say it, but I'm quoting it anyway!
Xanga, ohh, teh xanga. Remember when you were cool, and people updated?
Yeah, back in the day.
Agh, why did I delete my other one, whyyyy? I would love to be able to look back at those old post. I'm a lameo.
I dunno, I'm in an odd part of life, I guess. A lot of changes. And, if there was a crowd of like 365,536,356,365 people, perhaps one of them would think "So, because of how much life has changed, you're going to reach back to your roots of...xanga?"
I wrote some other stuff in this, but I got rid of it. Kept this though:
you'll never know, I'll never show you
this is the truth, disguised in my skin
try to come close, I'll run from you
so try to come find me, you'll never win
I'm vague and trust me I know how to use it
how to twist and to turn ,right out of your hand
though I'm so teasingly trying to tell you
I'll pull back if you start to understand
kaibye.
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| christina came over last night.
we went to the pool today, pretty sweet.
the pool was freezing, so I wasn't in it much.
yesterday christina and I heard someone playing a bagpipe.
I know, random, right?
kthnxbye
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| I dunno why, I just love comics. I guess because uhm..they're entertaining, short, and such.
not sure when I first started liking them, I mean, who doesn't like something that makes you laugh? but I would imagine Dilbert as being one of the ones I've been into for a while...
I started writing my own a while ago, just random (and kinda sucky) drawings of stupidness, or lack-o-funniness. I just liked drawing stuff and trying to make comics or something, I guess.
I have actually made some that people seem to enjoy. weird, huh?
Anyway, back in '05 this really weird inside joke started. actually, it started when my friend Ashley said she liked cheese, or something. that's all it took. next thing you knew, there was a war with the Cheese Batman Cucumber army, and other people were involved. characters formed (Walter the Evil Talking Wall) and it was pretty much just a bunch of fun.
Well, I tried making a comic out of it, but it had already been too far since the beginning, not to mention I was drawing it by hand...
but then one day, a new character formed out of the rubble, er, internet conversation. Percy, the chicken (yes, he's a chicken. hahaha... not a rooster. I dunno, I mean, it's not like it really has to make that much sense.) and from there he went through a rebellion against Ashley and I guess myself (since the chicken stayed with her...actually, on occasion, I ask her how he's doing.) I really need to credit Ashley with his creation a lot.
Well, Percy's rebellion ended up turning into a comic strip, albeit I say it's /based on/ internet conversations. Gotta love artistic license.
(Unknown to most, if not like, all... there's actually an unfinished follow up to the two pages of "Percy's rebellion.")
Now, in Percy's rebellion the two girls were supposed to be like Ashley and myself, or something. yeah. anyway, but, if you've read it, there's also another character ( not counting the mom and small child)...a character who ended up having his own fifteen minutes of nonfame, seeing that I'm not famous, but anyway, this character is "That Guy Over There". (yeah, that's first and last name)
That guy came in when I didn't want to make Ashley's brother into an idiot. it takes a weight off of conscience and allows a lot more freedom to replace people with made up characters. I'm trying to remember if the particular thing I felt I needed to replace him because of was part of our joke, or something I had come up with. it was that Walter threw a frozen waffle at him and he gets knocked out, wakes up like an hour later, and I think he might be confused on what happened or something, but by then the waffle has defrosted, so he ate it. it might have been that was part of an internet conversation, but he might not have actually known about that.
Anyway, that's not even in any of the strips posted, but that was one reason to create "That Guy". The part about That Guy's shoes being eaten was one place that he was replaced (in though he knew about that part of internet conversation, since Ashley told him Percy ate his shoe, and then he "cried".)
I'm probably being incredibly confusing, but oh well.
Now, as far as That Guys fifteen minutes of nonfame, I made a two part strip called "A Day in the Life of That Guy." That one was my own brain child, I suppose. not to say there was no outside influence. the look of The Little Villain Guy was based off of a drawing Audrey did for a "ransom" note for a gift card I was giving to someone for their birthday, and who knows if I got some of my idea from something somehow somewhere, ya know. but yeah, that strip's pretty much my own, but don't want to take anyone else's credit in case they influenced it. That Guy, I believe I have been told, is somewhat like my brother, (not that he's so...yeah, flat, two-dimensional...)
but anyway, the character of That Guy has changed between those two strips, (Percy's Rebellion and ADLTG). You'll note in the first he cries and such things, but in ADLTG, he doesn't really show emotion. he's very...just...there. which I like about him, personally.
The script for ADLTG was actually created as a strange xanga entry: http://www.xanga.com/SkylineTimes/424178349/item.html
anyway, girl one and girl two "replaced" Ashley and I (again, it gives more freedom).
Well, I'm actually going to leave this hanging here, so I'll have to write a lot more later.
kthxbye
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| A new, and sorta stupid, comic I'm working on.
Gotta love internet corrospondences that lead to such things...
I need to develop the characters more, make sure
they're consistent, funny...hopefully somewhat clever.
it's definitely "random", though that word is overused.
the background is that the Little Villain Guy makes a
"shady deal" and buys a box that he believes is a
"Parallel Universalationator...3000" for some Poptarts.
He jumps in the box and gets shipped to the unsuspecting
city of..well... Good City
(either that or Great City, I'll have to decide)...
his first strike against the city ensues quickly.
A city in crises, a villain on the loose...
Where's a hero when you need one?
simple. in his mother's basement.
Announcer Man (the Leader) has picked Victor E. Mann
for the task of being the newest superhero... not because
of his great moves, or his super human physique, but because..
well...Victor has nothing better to do,
and being a super hero does kill your social life.
Soon he's taken to the Super Hero Head Quarters
where he must be trained and have his life of a super hero set up,
then after establishing that and getting his super hero get-up..
ok,well, it's not like a uniform or something,
I mean, they've had to cut back somewhere right?
But anyway, he will have to protect the city from the Little Villain and his plots!
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